Sunday, August 29, 2010

Happy Birthday Mom....

My heart is heavy today...

Tears are flowing...

Today is my moms birthday...

I miss her sooooo much...

It seems like years have passed, but in reality it has only been 7 1/2 months. She has been on my mind alot lately. I need her here, but she can't be. She was my rock and the one I went to when I needed something. When work was going rough she talked me through it.....where is she? When life was changing she supported me....where is she? When I needed a good laugh she was funny...where is she?

I know there will be lots of days like this. I know there will be alot more tears shed. I know I am gonna have to keep my head up. I know she is here with me in spirit. I know she is watching over me. But it does not make me hurt any less. I feel like a big baby crying for her mommy....that's exactly what I am doing, but most moms would come running and mine can't.

To my brother and sister I love y'all and when yall visit her grave site be sure and tell her how much I love her, and miss her. Also that I wish I could be there and I wish her a very Happy Birthday!!!

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Mother's Day.....Bitter Sweet

A day of honor, love and adornment for mother's all over the world. This year was a little different for me. Sure I am very loved, and adorned by my sweet boys and husband, and I know I am very blessed to have that. But I was not able to express all of those feelings to my mom.

Today was a day of mixed emotions. One minute I was fine and the next the tears were rolling. I try to remind myself of all the great times we shared together. Every morning of Mother's Day I would either wake up and tell my mom Happy Mother's Day or I would call her and tell her. This morning was no different....well that's what I was thinking until I fully woke up from my good night sleep. Then reality set in and I remembered today I could not do what I had done for the last 30 years of my life. Wow....I miss her so much!

Although it has only been 4 months since my mom passed away it feels like years. Years since I have been able to see her, tell her I love her, and just to say hi how are you. So I just close my eyes, tears rolling and talk to her cause I know she can hear me.

Dear Mom,

You made me the person I am today. The mom I am today is because of you. It is you who keeps me going day to day. I miss being able to call you for help, I miss hearing your sweet voice, and most of all I miss seeing you. But I know one day I will see you again because our Savior Jesus was in your heart and for that I am grateful! I will love you always!

Your Loving Daughter

I know she is having the best Mother's Day ever this year, but it does not make me miss her any less. I am blessed to have had her in my life for the time I did.

You were my mother and my friend,
Which was unusual.
Somehow our characters still blend:
Your wisdom and my will.

I turned, and you were there for me;
I spoke, you understood.
I felt cared for, but also free;
You loved, and I was good.

I'm fortunate that I was born
To someone just like you;
I love you still. Though you are gone,
You live in what I do.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Tears Still Coming...

Tonight I did my usual routine and headed off to bed....

Then guess what....yep I just had to have a dream and of course it was about mom, so I wake up in tears. It is now 2 am and I still have tears flowing down. WHY can't she be here? WHY did she have to leave me? WHY was she given that UGLY word called cancer? WHY? WHY? WHY? I mean really how selfish do I sound right now? She is so much better off than me right now WHY can't I just accept that?

I was tough through the visitation. I was tough for my sister as she sat in the hospital while the services were going on. I was tough through the funeral services. I was tough for my brother. Is it time that I just sit here and break down? I have always been the comforter in my family, trying to always make things good between everyone. Always the middle woman trying to keep everyone happy. And now I have lost control. How do I continue to keep everyone happy? Listen at me rambling....I mean for real Andi get it together!

Notice all the I's above. Like I could honestly do anything or go through anything of this magnitude if I did not have God with me? I could not imagine doing all this on my own! I would imagine there will be more days like this and I will just have to remind myself that God will not give me more than I can handle. He knew how I would handle this before I did, so I'm pretty sure I'm in awesome hands!

Isaiah 41:10
So do not fear for I am with you, do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand

Sorry for the rant but it feels nice to get it off my chest!

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Cancer Go Away....

Hmmmm where to begin.........

As I sat through church tonight and listened to Bro. Nathan talk about his mom who is battling cancer I could not help but shed tears. How does he do it? How does he get up there on that stage and hold his composure? How does he speak so eloquently about her without even a quiver? I would crumble.....I would fall apart!

My mom's battle with cancer is winning. It is taking it's tole on her mentally and physically. What started out as Breast Cancer has spread throughout her entire body. Things we take for granted that we do on a daily basis are major obstacles for her. It makes you think.....sometimes things I don't really care to think about. When I found out they gave her 6 months I fell apart. Thinking to myself who will be there when I need someone to call and tell about my day? When I have a question that only she can answer what will I do? Why does a 31 year old have to deal with this? I feel so selfish when I think this way. I mean many have been through the same thing and where was I then? I still had my mom then and I still do right now! I just have to cherish every moment I have with her!

Interruption....PayBo enters the living room and says he wants to read us a bible story. So I close my computer screen and listened to what he had to say.

1 Thessalonians 4:13-18

13Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope. 14We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. 15According to the Lord's own word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left till the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep. 16For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. 17After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. 18Therefore encourage each other with these words.

WOW......slap in the face!

I have no more words to say....everything I was thinking just went out the window when God revealed the words he wanted me to hear through my 10 year old son. Amen!

I want to leave with this quote......Don't be afraid of tomorrow; for God is already there.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Long Time No Blog....

Just so everyone knows I am alive and kicking....haha! I know it's been a long time since I have blogged. Life has just been going at such a fast pace I haven't had time. So its just been a quick update on facebook here and there to keep my family and friends informed on what the Green crew has been up to.

I am not sure if I facebooked this but I wanted to update everyone on my mom and Kenneth. My mom has been feeling ok the last few days. She is still getting some radiation treatments. They are going to start a new chemo on her in a few weeks. They did tell her this was the worse kind of cancer anyone could have because it is so agressive She has a long hard battle on her hands so she is still in need of many prayers.

Now my stepdad Kenneth has been in the hospital for over a week. He dropped a brushhog on his foot and broke it. He ended up with an infection in it that the dr's have had a hard time trying to get rid of. They finally found an antibotic that is working but it's working slowly so he remains in the hospital. He is my mom's rock and she needs him back at home with her. So he also is in need of many prayers.

I will try to be better on my blogging! Thanks in advance for all the prayers!

Saturday, May 30, 2009

What to do with all those pictures...

So you know how kids take a photo for this and a photo for that. Well at least here is seems that way so I found a way to utilize some of those photos.

As most of you know we are big baseball people, so most of the random photos I have are of baseball so I turned the boys bathroom into a baseball shrine and they love it. I have really been working on it since we moved in but my walls are getting full.

So I thought I would share some photos with everyone....This is the boys favorite room in the house!

I found this towel rack at walmart.....well I dont think its meant to be a towel rack but I really loved it. I thought it would be a good place to hang the boys medals and towels.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Playing catch-up once again....

So I warned everyone what would happen once baseball season rolled around....and sure enough here I am trying to catch up on my blogging. Here's what the Green's have been up to.

Opening Ceremonies for Baseball

Colby's Team...he is on the far right

Jenna singing the National Anthem...she did a wonderful job! Thanks Jenna!!!

Payden and Dalton were the only two from their team that showed up for the opening ceremonies....I think they liked everyone looking at just them...haha!

Colby's first game

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Random Photos....

Ranger Baseball Game....

The McCurleys called and invited us to go the the Texas Ranger baseball game on Saturday. We left the house about 3pm so we could get there early enough for the kids to get a free Josh Hamilton Jersey. The first 7500 kids under the age of 13 got one. They were very nice I might add. The kids loved them!

As you can see they wasted no time putting them on!

We had a good time even though the Rangers didn't win!

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Bow The Knee....

Great slideshow Keri hope you don't mind I borrowed it! This is our church Easter Play hope everyone enjoys the photos! These photos tell a beautiful story!